So this is actually the culmination of a very long and excellent discussion between myself and my cousin. He’s pretty awesome and a fellow Heavy Metal music aficionado. He’s partial to Ozzy. I’m more of an Iron Maiden purist. There’s enough overlap between our specific tastes that prevent an escalation of the differences along the margins. Without further ado, my Top 10 Best Heavy Metal Songs Of All Time (in ascending order):
- Ozzy Osbourne, “Crazy Train“, Blizzard of Ozz, 1980
Simply one of the greatest songs of all time, metal or not. Inarguably the greatest opening of any song in history. Where does it belong? Everywhere. And nowhere. So here it is. Listen and love it. Enjoy these 9 marginally better songs, - Metallica, “Whiplash“, Kill ‘Em All, 1982
I wanted to kill them all too. While I may not have succeeded, Metallica had my back. And together, we definitely tried our damnedest. - Dio, “Holy Diver“, Holy Diver, 1983
My first concert. A hot metal chick several years older than me let me share her popcorn. The most metal thing I’ve ever done. Other than listening to Dio rock the fuck out of this song live. - Iron Maiden, “The Number of the Beast“, The Number of the Beast, 1982
I’m not much of a Satanist. I am definitely not a theist. Push come to shove, though? I’m taking Maiden’s suggestion and going all in on the dark side. All hail The Beast! That motherfucker and I are on the same page. - AC/DC, “Back in Black“, Back in Black, 1980
Don’t even make me explain this one to you. Just be glad the whole list isn’t exclusively AC/DC songs. You’re welcome. - Judas Priest, “Breaking the Law“, British Steel, 1980
Yeah, I broke the law. No, it wasn’t Rob Halford’s fault. But he was my inspiration. - Black Sabbath, “War Pigs“, Black Sabbath, 1970
My introduction to the world of heavy metal. Blew my fucking mind, and I’m not overstating the fact. My life has never been the same since I first heard this song. So blame them. - Metallica, “Ride the Lightning“, Ride the Lightning, 1984
This shit was a drug for me. Metallica were scientists that distilled and quantified teenage male angst. I responded appropriately. The lightning was ridden, you sorry fucking pieces of shit *bangs head angrily*. - Iron Maiden, “The Trooper“, Piece of Mind, 1983
I cannot describe how this song changed my 13-year-old life. I knew Iron Maiden. But more importantly, Iron Maiden knew me. And together, we banged some fucking heads. Believe that. - Black Sabbath, “Iron Man“, Paranoid, 1970
Simply the most excellent prototypical heavy metal song in history. Did the comic book Iron Man predate this song, or the other way around? Who gives a shit. Let Tony Stark and Ozzy Osbourne combine forces and ruin motherfuckers. Ozzy will kill Tony as soon as he’s done with his pathetic ass.
And that’s it. But let’s also acknowledge the lasting musical impact of the maniacs that created Black Sabbath. Greatest name in music history? Of course. You’d have to be an idiot to argue otherwise. 4 of my top 10 are directly connected to Black Sabbath, and the rest would willingly admit they stand on their giant shoulders. I’d selfishly say that Iron Maiden is the greatest heavy metal band of all time. But then I hear the wise voice of my younger, yet learned, cousin, telling me: Ozzy is the coolest. And it’s hard to argue with that logic. The answer? Fuck off.
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Honorable mention songs that I can’t believe I wasn’t able to include, and I’ll apologize eternally for the disrespect in no specific order:
- Motörhead, “Ace of Spades“, Ace of Spades, 1981
- Iron Maiden, “Run to the Hills“, The Number of the Beast, 1982
- Anthrax, “Caught in a Mosh“, Among the Living, 1987
- Metallica, “Battery“, Master of Puppets, 1986
- Judas Priest, “Screaming for Vengeance“, Screaming for Vengeance, 1982
- Black Sabbath, “Children of the Grave“, Master of Reality, 1971
- Queensÿche, “Revolution Calling“, Operation: Mindcrime, 1988
- Iron Maiden, “Killers“, Killers, 1981
- Megadeth, “Rust in Peace“, Rust in Peace, 1990
- Slayer, “Raining Blood“, Reign in Blood, 1986
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And finally: Holy shit, the early ’80s were fucking fantastic for music. And I was there for all of it. Suck it bitches.